In the US, the COVID-19 pandemic has really outlasted the average person’s motivation levels. In March and April, everyone was working out, learning languages, and baking banana bread. Fast forward a few months, and guess what? Never seeing other humans or leaving the house kind of saps at that productivity drive we all started out with. Some of us need a trick to help us responsibly social distance.

Quarantine Banana Bread
Quarantine Banana Bread

I have been way to paranoid to really go anywhere or do anything beyond doctor’s appointments (WITH mask and gloves). I sit outside with the pup in the fenced-in yard (WITHOUT a pool), but that is pretty much as far as I go. It feels like when I do leave the house, nobody else is aware of this virus and everyone wants to breathe on me. I’ve had to get really creative in order to properly social distance without actually doing anything useful or productive.

Social Distancing at Home
Social Distancing at Home

Answer: Social Distance by Wasting All Your Time on Pinterest.

I feel uniquely qualified to write about this topic since I’ve had a Pinterest-equivalent since before Pinterest existed. Since about 2006, I had this series of folders where I organized and saved images (naming the files after the image source so I could track them back). Then Pinterest came around, and now I can do this on my phone while laying in bed. I’ve wasted an obscene amount of time saving and organizing images. Here are some ideas so you can get to wasting hours, days and maybe even weeks without achieving anything of value.

  1. Start by going through every Pinterest board you have ever made. This can help you discover weird niche interests you never even knew you had that require copious amounts of internet research. What if civilization collapses? Preppers have an amazing Pinterest presence. What about Greenland? I always thought that might be a cool place to visit, but I haven’t been there. There’s a lot of information out there so when you finally do get to go, you’ll be ready to make the most of it.
Greenland Hiking
Greenland Hiking Trip
  1. If you are single, plan your whole wedding, with a board for each related event and every outfit you would wear. After that, or if you have already done that in real life, you could always re-plan it as if:
    • There were no budgetary constraints.
Your wedding. Someone else’s wedding. Fictional weddings. They all need decor ideas, floral arrangements, venues, invitations, and outfits. SOMEONE has to figure these things out.
Social Distance Wedding
Social Distance Wedding – Just Buffy, Spike, and other immortals
  1. Then, plan out your dream house with a board for every room. Make sure you include all your other properties, such as:
    • The backyard yurt
    • Geodesic dome for yoga and white linen outfits
    • Carriage house
    • Cabin in the woods
    • Industrial loft
    • Traditional suburban house
    • Contemporary suburban house
    • 1960’s renovation house
    • Castle (then re-plan your wedding with that as the venue)
Neuschwanstein is the finest way to social distance
Neuschwanstein Castle. Or, according to my Pinterest account, Castle Wren.
  1. Arbitrarily assign personalities to your as-of-yet nonexistent children, and make board for each of their vibes. Additionally, you could design their bedrooms at different points in their lives, guess at their hobbies, and figure out what they might do professionally.
Childrens Room
My future children prefer a neutral palette and natural materials
  1. Figure out exactly what furniture you should have bought at age 22 so that you could have easily moved it between apartments. Hint: It is not generally the stuff you get for free from family members, but if you do it right the first time you don’t have to keep buying things or paying people to help you move.
how can one social distance without an equipped home
I have this all figured out if I’m ever a broke, single, recent college graduate again.
I have moved 17 times in the past 14 years. If I had played my cards right, that process could have been so much less painful!
  1. What if you were a spy? That would be pretty cool. Make a board detailing your assignments, all your cool gear, and your cover stories.
spies social distance by nature
  1. Figure out what went wrong with your personal style in high school that led you to believe purple-dyed hair with purple hippie skirt and a general “witch” aesthetic (for instance) was going to make people like you at your new school.
  2. That hippie-witch look has actually come a long way since then. So, maybe consider trying it out again in your 30s?
Just one look to maintain social distance
How I thought I looked in high school
  1. Bad idea, as an adult and a professional. Make a board with all the classic designer pieces you would buy if you stayed the same exact size for more than a few consecutive months.
Social Distance Wardrobe
Very practical pieces for someone who works from home and lives in the Midwest
  1. Wait, except Chanel. She was a Nazi. And wait… it’s all basically one big multinational corporation? And why is everything made in China? Don’t we have a garment industry in the US? This is beyond the scope of wasting time on Pinterest, but https://www.usalovelist.com/ is a great place to start if you want to support local industries.

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